By FAMOUS IGUISI
"Statistics show that only 3% of single women of
marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by
their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do
just about anything to become Mrs. Somebody''.
As we read on, we are going to see some rather
unorthodox things Nigerian women will do in
their quest to bag a husband! Some are bizarre,
some are skanky and some are downright sad
but if you are willing to try anything and getting
a husband is the only activity left on your bucket
list, you might want to try a few! (Men beware).
In no particular order:
Snatching a friend or relation's man. All is fair in
love and war! Rumor has it that women have
resorted to locking their phones, hiding their
men and coding their gist from so-called friends
because it's a jungle out there.
Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order
of the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or
teach the inexperienced or make an honest
woman out of a dishonest one so once marriage
is desired, women package themselves in
pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly
desirable packages. After marriage, what you see
is what you get!
Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to be
the old school method of getting a man to
propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the
man or getting him drunk when she was
ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the
man where she wanted him once she missed her
period even if there was no commitment. Now
the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and YES
to child support. Are the girls deterred? NO! The
girls have stepped up their game by involving
the parents and you know parents don't like
scandals
Praying & Fasting. This would presumably be an
honorable means of obtaining a husband but
sometimes the prayers are offered up to deities
other than God & other times it becomes a song
permanently.
Taking his photograph to Cele church for a
prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa.
Heard it works like a charm.
Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to
Babalawo. Guys disposing of your condoms
yourself are not such a bad idea.
Outright Jazz! My friend recently gisted me
about how a tied up, live pigeon had been
discovered in a friend's sister-in-law's box. The
woman confessed to using jazz and said she
hadn't been sure if the guy would actually
propose so she took the necessary precautions.
Putting love potion in his food! This is classic
and timeless but shouldn't it be called a
compelling potion? Because in this case, love na
by force!
Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen (Who
wears the engagement ring?)
Toasting a man's family so they make the
decision for him! A friend complained that a girl
he detested had over the months gotten close to
his family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them
and basically being their go-to girl and now his
mum had put her foot down that he had to break
up with his girlfriend and marry little-miss-
went-home-to-mama depending on how much
power the family wields, their word may be
final.
Asking daddy to get you a husband! If daddy's a
big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually
as easy as pie and some men would sell their
souls for a large chunk of daddy's money so both
parties are happy.
Being your man's maga! Some women believe
that when you finally get a man to be interested
in you, spoiling him and overlooking his every
fault would get you into a white gown faster than
an okada. Some men don't mind a woman who
houses them, clothes them, feeds them, gives
them pocket money, never gets upset with them
even when they misbehave and cleans up after
them with little or no contribution from them
living the dream???
Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he
proposes. Tell me I am number one baby; tell
me I am the future mother of your kids and not
Amina, Bisi or Ngozi. Women used to want to be
the one AND ONLY in their man's life, now
being the number one is good enough.
Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother
in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you
send your cleaner, gateman or driver to night
school, you give him language lessons, you take
him to buy some new clothes and deodorant and
teach him to call you honey instead of madam
and in exchange, he gets to marry you, share an
expensive bedroom and never worry about his
bills ever again!
Revamping you. Change your ward-robe, lose
20kg, buy a truckload of Brazilian hair, study the
karma-sutra, do an angioplasty and change the
age on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox,
plastic surgery, a compulsory gym membership
and a body magic also indicated!
Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it
that men go to church to marry, the same
rumour also reveals that Greeters Ushers and
Lead Soloists have the best exposure. Praise the
Lord!
Moving to a new town or part of town so that
you are the new girl. This always peaks the
men's interest and at the same time you get to
run away from your past and the old maid
labels!
Going for deliverance from a spirit husband and
sowing a big marriage seed in church! Giving
your possessions to the poor, giving a sacrificial
offering or just giving one thing to God that
would make you weep.
Abandoning your hopes, dreams and ambitions!
I've heard people say that women looking for a
prince charming live unrealistic dreams, virgins
are old-school, overly educated women are
proud, rich women are not submissive,
ambitious women are conceited, women with
demanding jobs won't have time for their
families, women who want a faithful man are
deluded and women who don't get pregnant
before wedlock have something wrong with their
plumbing! So forsake the masters, don't even
dream of a PhD, quit your job, give away all
your money and surely a husband will come.
And if all else fails, Marry a married man! He
could be your friend's husband, your sister's
husband, your cousin's husband, your
colleague's husband, even your mother's
husband if you like!
Can you blame these women? The average guy
has commitment phobia or is out to play till he
is all spent before he settles down or is waiting
to make his first 5 million before saying I do.
Even a man with no future ambition or class,
much less finances still knows he could have his
pick of the best women out there, once he
announces he is looking to settle! ''The last
census showed a female-dominated
demographic with more women per eligible
bachelor. Family and society constantly put the
woman in hot water making her personal
successes irrelevant till she bags a man''.
___________
Originally published by the Nigerian Observer
News and culled from NVS
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