Friday, 7 March 2014
Eniola Badmus is letting the world know she is comfortable in her own skin.
They don’t call her gbogbo bigz girls for nothing,
she’s a real woman. Nollywood actress Eniola
Badmus is letting the world know she is
comfortable in her own skin.
Eniola who has been criticized for her body
weight took to Instagram to share an image with
a touching write up on loving herself.
Read;
“I snapped dis photo of myself because I feel so
good of wot I am. Sure I dnt av d perfect body
but I can finally say wif 100% honesty dat I luv
me…..itz been a difficult journey
but….#iaminlovewithme my new found love
affair with myself has motivated me to start
eating right, working out, doing yoga nd
staying positive…..practicing self love everyday
nd nt being afraid to be #EniolaBadmus nd it
feels so good….I may av big tommy buh i still
look yummy…..it may nt b society’s version of
perfect buh it belongs to me……I put it to u
today dat am beautiful inside nd out
#stopbodyshaming”
Top 10 Amazing Facts About Dreams
1. You are
paralyzed while you sleep
Believe it or not, your body is virtually
paralyzed during your sleep – most likely to
prevent your body from acting out aspects of
your dreams. According to the Wikipedia article
on dreaming, “Glands begin to secrete a
hormone that helps induce sleep and neurons
send signals to the spinal cord which cause the
body to relax and later become essentially
paralyzed.”
2. External Stimuli Invade our Dreams
This is called Dream Incorporation and it is the
experience that most of us have had where a
sound from reality is heard in our dream and
incorporated in some way. A similar (though
less external) example would be when you are
physically thirsty and your mind incorporates
that feeling in to your dream. My own
experience of this includes repeatedly drinking
a large glass of water in the dream which
satisfies me, only to find the thirst returning
shortly after – this thirst… drink… thirst… loop
often recurs until I wake up and have a real
drink.
3. Quitters have more vivid dreams
People who have smoked cigarettes for a long
time who stop, have reported much more vivid
dreams than they would normally experience.
Additionally, according to the Journal of
Abnormal Psychology: “Among 293 smokers
abstinent for between 1 and 4 weeks, 33%
reported having at least 1 dream about
smoking. In most dreams, subjects caught
themselves smoking and felt strong negative
emotions, such as panic and guilt. Dreams
about smoking were the result of tobacco
withdrawal, as 97% of subjects did not have
them while smoking, and their occurrence was
significantly related to the duration of
abstinence. They were rated as more vivid than
the usual dreams and were as common as most
major tobacco withdrawal symptoms.”
4. Dreams are not about what they are
about
If you dream about some particular subject it is
not often that the dream is about that. Dreams
speak in a deeply symbolic language. The
unconscious mind tries to compare your dream
to something else, which is similar. Its like
writing a poem and saying that a group of ants
were like machines that never stop. But you
would never compare something to itself, for
example: “That beautiful sunset was like a
beautiful sunset”. So whatever symbol your
dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a
symbol for itself.
5. Not Everyone Dreams in Color
A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively
in black and white. The remaining number
dream in full color. People also tend to have
common themes in dreams, which are
situations relating to school, being chased,
running slowly/in place, s*xual experiences,
falling, arriving too late, a person now alive
being dead, teeth falling out, flying, failing an
examination, or a car accident. It is unknown
whether the impact of a dream relating to
violence or death is more emotionally charged
for a person who dreams in color than one who
dreams in black and white.
6. We Only Dream of What We Know
Our dreams are frequently full of strangers who
play out certain parts – did you know that your
mind is not inventing those faces – they are
real faces of real people that you have seen
during your life but may not know or
remember? The evil killer in your latest dream
may be the guy who pumped petrol in to your
Dad’s car when you were just a little kid. We
have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces
through our lives, so we have an endless supply
of characters for our brain to utilize during our
dreams.
7. Dreams Prevent Psychosis
In a recent sleep study, students who were
awakened at the beginning of each dream, but
still allowed their 8 hours of sleep, all
experienced difficulty in concentration,
irritability, hallucinations, and signs of
psychosis after only 3 days. When finally
allowed their REM sleep the student’s brains
made up for lost time by greatly increasing the
percentage of sleep spent in the REM stage.
8. Everybody Dreams
Every human being dreams (except in cases of
extreme psychological disorder) but men and
women have different dreams and different
physical reactions. Men tend to dream more
about other men, while women tend to dream
equally about men and women. In addition,
both men and women experience sexually
related physical reactions to their
dreams regardless of whether the dream is
s*xual in nature; males experience erections
and females experience increased vaginal blood
flow.
9. You Forget 90% of your Dreams
Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream
if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone. The
famous poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, woke
one morning having had a fantastic dream
(likely opium induced) – he put pen to paper
and began to describe his “vision in a dream” in
what has become one of English’s most famous
poems: Kubla Khan. Part way through (54 lines
in fact) he was interrupted by a “Person from
Porlock“. Coleridge returned to his poem but
could not remember the rest of his dream. The
poem was never completed.
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
[...]
Curiously, Robert Louis Stevenson came up
with the story of Doctor Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde
whilst he was dreaming. Wikipedia has more on
that here. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein was also
the brainchild of a dream.
10. Blind People Dream
People who become blind after birth can see
images in their dreams. People who are born
blind do not see any images, but have dreams
equally vivid involving their other senses of
sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a
seeing person to imagine, but the body’s need
for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle
virtually all physical situations to make it
happen.
Thursday, 6 March 2014
2015 ELECTIONS: T.B Joshua Reveals What Will Happen
Prophet T.B Joshua, the general overseer of the
Synagogue Church of All Nations has given his
opinion on the 2015 elections saying the exercise
may fail to happen in a few states battling against
the menace of Boko Haram.
Joshua also spoke about the relationship between
the Peoples Democratic Party and the opposition,
All Progressives Congress saying they are similar
in spirit.
Read excerpts from the interview below:
There are so many troubles in Nigeria today,
problems with insecurity, threats to national
unity and political manoeuvres by rival political
parties. What are your comments concerning
these troubled times in the country?
It is a normal thing for a country that has a bright
future, God's promise. A bright future always
attracts persecution, condemnation and enemies
when it's realised that the future is bright; you
will see a lot of pressures and threats. The
country is on the path to greatness; it will
compete with any Western nation in the future
and the Western nations know that Nigeria is
going to be a giant. That is why their support in
these trying times is needed. There is no country
that has not passed through this.
All the countries that have become great today,
they all passed through turbulence that nearly
consumed them. How we manage the situation
matters. If we don't manage it well, we will not
witness the greatness. It is not that the greatness
would not come but it would not be for our
generation. The greatness will still come but for
the coming generation.
>With the turbulence being experienced in some
states of the federation; and the election just
around the corner, how do you think this will play
out?
Elections will not happen in some states because
of the frequent attacks. This could affect between
three to four states. The states would be a no-go
area due to violence and elections would not take
place in those states unless we move closer to
God. We must intensify our prayers. This is what
God has showed me and you can imagine what
would happen if elections don't hold in those
states. It would have great implication for our
democracy.
How should we manage it?
We should not allow the politicians to politicise
all the areas of our lives. For example if you want
to enjoy anything, you have to be part of their
party - to get a job etc. Unless you are part of
their party, you cannot benefit from things that
should be available to you as a citizen. Look at
electricity, health etc. - they have politicised
everything. Even religion has been politicised;
Christianity has been politicised. Politicians go to
church; the pulpit is where they campaign now.
Even they go to churches and mosques to bomb
them. These are people in church who had gone
to pray for themselves. Must everybody become
a politician? How we handle the situation at hand
now matters. If the situation is not well managed,
we will find ourselves postponing the great
Nigeria, meaning we will not witness it but it
would be witnessed by our children.
Don't let us politicise every area of our lives. Let
us carefully play our politics with keen decency
because 2015 matters in the history of Nigeria. It
is either we cross the bridge successfully or it
collapses. A good Nigerian that wants this
greatness should be able to pay whatever proper
price that is needed to be paid to make this
dream of a great Nigeria possible. If your being in
politics will make this greatness come, then join.
From now to 2015 is a very important period in
the history of Nigeria and if we don't manage the
situation well, our democracy would be
rubbished.
>What can you say about APC and PDP?
In body we can call it APC and PDP but in spirit,
they are one and the same thing. I am yet to see
the difference. I am looking forward to seeing the
difference.
>With the situation in the country today and the
agitation on 2015, what advice do you have for
politicians not to create more tension in the
polity and what is the way out?
The advice; many of us need to leave politics
while many others need to join, in order to inject
fresh blood. The people that need to leave politics
are not the common people. This is in order to
avert the disaster that could rubbish our
democracy.
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
Update On Musician Obesere's Rapé Saga
While popular Fuji musician, Alhaji Abass
Akande Obesere is looking for out-of-court
settlement in the saga that has brought so much
trouble to him, OluFamous.Com gathered that
there are some persons who are bent on seeing
that Obesere goes to prison or at least he appears
in court for the messy case.
But what did he do? The woman, who he said set
him up to extort money from him, is making new
claims:
In the words of Ms Olanike: “I bled for
more than two weeks after Alhaji Obesere
raped me and inserted his ring into my private
part. The incident occurred on February 12,
2013 and I have spent a lot of money treating
myself.
“The DPO, Isolo Police division, took pity on
me and refused to give in to Obesere’s pressure
to strike out the case and God will bless him
for that.
“But last week I was informed that the case had
been transferred to the SCID and my
Investigating Police Office, IPO, at Isolo asked
me to come to the station on Tuesday for the
transfer.
“But when I got to the SCID, I discovered the
IPO, who took over the case, one Mr. Jacob, I
don’t know his rank, became hostile to me...
“You need to see how this man treated me. He
started by asking me to write a new statement
and when I tried to explain that I had written a
statement at Isolo division, he rebuffed my
explanation and insisted I wrote a new one."
Anyway, Obesere is still maintaining his
innocence, saying there is no way a matured lady
who is not having an affair with him would have
spent the night with him in his house. He said it's
just a set up all for money.
Meanwhile, the lady told Vanguard that she had
relocated to her home town in Sagamu, Ogun
State, where she is currently receiving treatment
for the alleged rapé incident.
“As I speak with you, I am in Sagamu, my home
town, where I have been receiving traditional
treatment since the incident occurred," she
claimed.
The embattled musician, Obesere, has been
released on bail pending a thorough investigation
by the SCID.
Top African Celebrities Prove their Football Skills with the Celebrity Soccer League Reality Show
A Lagos-based Creative agency, D3 Solutions
Limited, today announced a new reality TV
show called Celebrity Soccer League (CSL).
The first season of the show will feature Nigerian
& other African celebrities in a thrilling soccer
showpiece.
Celebrities have always been vocal about their
support for top European teams but can they kick
it on the pitch? Coached by Nigerian football
greats, Celebrity Teams will vie for the crown of
Celebrity Soccer League Champions, cash prizes
and bragging rights.
The city of Lagos plays host to the debut season
of the show which is expected to hit the screens
later this year and will air on cable and terrestrial
TV stations across Nigeria and Ghana. The show
will also be available via social media video
platform, YouTube. The exact launch date is yet
to be announced but fans can register at the CSL
website as well as follow the show’s Facebook and
Twitter Page to receive updates on how to
participate and player signings.
Celebrity Soccer League was created to foster
youth engagement in sports and create a meeting
point between individuals and their favourite
celebrities in a first-of-its-kind Reality TV Show
that will keep resonating in their minds long after
the show is over.
The show’s creator, Azuka Ugboh, says that
“Apart from Celebrities, football-loving Nigerians
will also get the opportunity to participate in the
show. This will follow a grueling series of trials
where our team will select fans to play alongside
their favourite celebs”.
Militants Attack Orient Oil & Gas Facilities In Anambra
Orient Oil & Gas Facilities in Aguleri, Anambra
East LG of Anambra State were under attack on
March 3, 2014, Monday. The attacks on Orient
Oil have reportedly destroyed most of the plants'
heavy equipment. Staff quarters were also burnt
by the invaders.
This development has been confirmed by the
Chairman of the National Youth Council of
Nigeria, Anambra State Chapter, Comrade
Innocent Nduanya.
In his message to NAIJ.com he narrated that the
equipment was vandalized in full broad day light,
while the police took a passive position and, in
fact, did nothing to protect the plant.
The police officers, mostly of Kogi State origin,
were complaining of neglect by the Police
authorities since they were posted to protect the
Oil Company. Therefore, the conclusion has been
made that the attackers were allegedly people of
Ibaji in Kogi State as well.
"We appeal to both Anambra State and the
Federal Govt to protect the oil facilities and stop
the madness from Kogi State. This latest attack is
seen as an act of provocation to the people of
Aguleri whose son Chief Willie Obiano would
take over the leadership of Anambra State from
Gov Peter Obi on the 17th of March 2014.
"We do not want these criminal hoodlums of
Boko Haram to enter our village. We therefore
call on President Jonathan CFR to restrain Gov
Idris Wada of Kogi State and send more
detribalised military presence in the affected
area," Nduanya said in his message.
A source of News Express in the State
Government of Anambra also confirmed the
attack, which had in the past drawn the attention
of the Federal Government to the deadly
communal dispute over the land where the oil
facilities are located.
It would be recalled that the refinery was
commissioned in late August 2012 by President
Goodluck Jonathan (in the photo above) to usher
Anambra into the league of oil-producing states.
Pope Francis Opens Door To Same Séx Unions?
Pope Francis reaffirmed the Catholic Church's
opposition to gay marriage on Wednesday, but
suggested in a newspaper chat that it could
support some types of civil unions. The Pope
reiterated the church's teaching that "marriage is
between a man and a woman." However, he said,
"We have to look at different cases and evaluate
them in their variety."
States, for instance, justify civil unions as a way
to provide financial security to cohabitating
couples, the Pope said in a wide-ranging
interview published Wednesday in an Italian
daily. State-sanctioned unions are thus driven by
the need to ensure rights like access to health
care, Francis added.
A number of Catholic Bishops have supported
civil unions for same-sex couples, including Pope
Francis when he was Archbishop of Buenos Aires
in 2010, according to reports in National Catholic
Reporter and The New York Times.
Behind closed doors, pope supported civil unions
in Argentina, activist says...
But Wednesday's comments are "the first time a
Pope has indicated even tentative acceptance of
civil unions," according to Catholic News Service.
Pope Francis, who marks his first year in office
on March 13, has sought to set a more tolerant
tone for his 1 billion-member church and
suggested that a broad range of topics are at least
open for discussion.
Last January, Pope Francis recalled a little girl in
Buenos Aires who told her teacher that she was
sad because "my mother's girlfriend doesn't like
me."
"The situation in which we live now provides us
with new challenges which sometimes are
difficult for us to understand," the Pope told
leaders of religious orders, adding that the church
"must be careful not to administer a vaccine
against faith to them."
The Vatican later denied that those comments
signaled an opening toward same-séx unions.
Last June, Pope Francis famously refused to
judge gay priests in comments that ricocheted
around the world. He has also said that the
church should not "interfere" in the spiritual lives
of gays and lesbians.
In this latest interview, Francis also addressed
several other controversial issues, including the
Catholic Church's ban on contraception, the role
of women and the devastating clergy séxual
abuse scandal.
On contraception, the Pope praised Pope Paul VI
for having the "courage" to "go against the
majority" when restating the ban in 1968. But he
added, the church must be "merciful" and
"attentive to concrete situations."
Contraception and church's ban on divorced
Catholics receiving holy communion, will likely
be addressed at major meetings of Catholic
bishops in Rome in 2014 and 2015.
“We must give a response. But to do so, we must
reflect much in depth,” the Pope said
Wednesday.
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Why I rejected centenary award — Soyinka
Nobel laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka, said,
yesterday, he rejected his nomination for
centenary award by the Federal Government
because he could not share the award with the
late Head of State, General Sani Abacha, who he
described as a "murderer and thief of no
redeeming quality".
"I can't think of nothing more grotesque and
derisive of the lifetime struggle of several of this
(Honours) List and their selfless services to
humanity", Soyinka said in a statement entitled,
`The Canonisation of Terror'.
"I reject my share of this national insult", he
added.
Listing some of the atrocities that took place
under Abacha that made the late Nigerian leader
of undeserving of the centenary award, the
Nobel Laureate said: "It is a confidence trick
that speaks volumes of the perpetrators of such a
fraud. We shall pass over – for instance – the
slave mentality that concocts loose formulas for
an Honours List that automatically elevate any
violent bird of passage to the status of nation
builders who may, or may not be demonstrably
motivated by genuine love of nation.
Accordingly, generalized but false attributes to
known killers and treasury robbers is a
disservice to history and a desecration of
memory. It also compromises the future. This
failure to discriminate, to assess, and thereby
make it possible to grudgingly concede that even
out of a 'doctrine of necessity' – such as military
dictatorship - some demonstrable governance
virtue may emerge, reveals nothing but national
self-glorification in a moral void, the breeding
grounds of future cankerworm in the nation's
edifice.
"Such abandonment of moral rigour comes full
circle sooner or later. The survivors of a plague
known as Boko Haram, students in a place of
enlightenment and moral instruction, are taken
to a place of healing dedicated to an individual
contagion – a murderer and thief of no
redeeming quality known as Sani Abacha, one
whose plunder is still being pursued all over the
world and recovered piecemeal by international
consortiums – at the behest of this same
government which sees fit to place him on the
nation's Roll of Honour!"
15 Condom Mistakes You Are Making
Putting on a condom may seem second nature to
you by now, but are you actually doing it the
right way? Sadly fellas, the latest research
suggests you might not be.
Researchers from Indiana University analyzed
50 studies on condom usage, and after punching
the numbers on 16 years of data, they found a
laundry list of errors. Could you be making one
of them? Check out the top 15 things that
couples are doing wrong when gearing up for
getting down.
•Late application: Across the numerous studies,
between 17 percent and 51.1 percent of people
reported putting a condom on after intercourse
has already begun.
•Early removal: Between 13.6 percent and 44.7
percent of the respondents reported removing
the condom before intercourse was complete.
•Completely unrolling the condom prior to
application: Between 2.1 percent and 25.3
percent of people admitted to completely
unrolling the condom before sliding it on.
•No space at the tip: Failing to leave space for
semen at the tip of the condom was reported by
24.3 to 45.7 percent of the respondents.
•Failure to remove air: When looking back to
their last sexual encounter, 48.1 percent of
women and 41.6 percent of men reported that
they didn't squeeze the air from the tip before
use.
•Inside-out condoms: Between 4 percent and
30.4 percent of participants reported they began
rolling the condom on inside out, but then
flipped it over and continued its use. And that's
bad, since it can expose her to your pre-
ejaculatory fluids, which can get her pregnant.
•Failure to completely unroll the condom before
use: When looking back to their last sexual
encounter, 11.2 percent of women and 8.8
percent of men had began intercourse before the
condom was unrolled all the way.
•Exposure to sharp object: Between 2.1 percent
and 11.2 percent of people had opened condom
packets with sharp objects. The problem: If it's
sharp enough to rip the wrapper, it's sharp
enough to rip the condom.
•Failure to check for damage: When removing
the condom from the package, 82.7 percent of
women and 74.5 percent of men reported that
they fail to check for damage before use. What to
look for: Make sure the wrapper isn't worn down
or ripped open, keep your eyes peeled for
expired dates, and check for visible
imperfections while unrolling.
•No lubrication: Between 16 percent and 25.8
percent of people reported using condoms
without lubrication. The trouble? If you're
having sex for an extended period of time, the
condom is more likely to tear without
lubrication.
•Lubrication complications: Roughly 3.2 percent
of women and 4.7 percent of men reported using
an oil-based lube with a latex condom. That
weakens the latex, which can make it prone to
breakage.
•Incorrect withdrawal: Nearly 31 percent of men
and 27 percent of women reported that (post-
sex) they failed to promptly and properly
withdraw after ejaculation.
•Reusing a condom: Between 1.4 percent and
3.3 percent of people reported reusing a condom
at least twice during a sexual encounter. Gross.
•Incorrect storage: Between 3.3 percent and 19.1
percent of people in the studies had stored their
condoms in conditions that did not comply with
the recommendations on the package. Avoid
storing them in direct sunlight or your wallet-
both can degrade the latex.
•Not wearing one at all:: This wasn't actually
part of the study, but we should add that #15 is
this: Not using one at all. According to the (most
recent) National Survey of Sexual Health and
Behavior, only 45 percent of men ages 18 to 24
used a condom with their last sexual partner.
And as the age groups increased, the stats only
got worse: Only 29.3 percent of men ages 25 to
34 used condoms and 21.3 percent of men
between ages 35 and 44.
Chris Brown suffering from post traumatic stress disorder
He appeared in court yesterday for a probation
hearing and a letter from his rehab facility gave
the singer high marks for improvement but
suggested he remain in treatment.
The letter, obtained by E! News, reads in part,
"Mr. Brown will also require close supervision
by his treating physician in order to ensure his
bipolar mental health condition remains
stable. It is not uncommon for patients with
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar II
to use substances to self-medicate their
biomedical mood swings and trauma triggers."
"Mr. Brown became aggressive and acted out
physically due to his untreated mental health
disorder, severe sleep deprivation,
inappropriate self-medicating and untreated
PTSD."
Chris was ordered to remain in treatment for
two more months. His next hearing is set for
April 23.
Saturday, 1 March 2014
Pope Francis Calls For Love and No Condemnation For Divorced Couples
Pope Francis has said today that couples
whose marriages have failed should be
"accompanied" and not "condemned". He
said this while responding to queries on his
views on divorce and how the Roman Catholic
church should treat divorced couples. Today,
during the daily mass he holds in the Vatican, he
said specifically on the subject of divorced
couples,
"When love fails, and it fails many times, we
have to feel the pain of that failure, accompany
the people who have felt the failure of their
love. Don't condemn them! Walk with them!
We have to be so close to the brothers and
sisters who have suffered the failure of love in
their lives."
Pope Francis had on his assumption of office,
promised to put the Church in touch with
modern life in a way that will draw people closer
to God. Since last year, there has been a fierce
debate on whether divorced couples should be
allowed to take Holy Communion. While he
cannot on his own pass church doctrine, nor can
this sermon on a pulpit be the final word on the
matter, I think his heart is definitely in the right
place. God is love, and a lot of us forget that
sometimes.
Ronaldo's girlfriend poses nude with R.Kelly in raunchy shoot for V magazine
The 47 year old singer and the 28 year old top
model get hot and heavy in steamy shoot for the
latest issue of V magazine. In one photo, Irina
Shayk, who is footballer Cristiano Ronaldo's
longtime girlfriend, posed completely naked
with her back to the camera while tenderly
holding on to R.Kelly. Ronaldo come get your
woman. I don't trust this R.Kelly
Friday, 28 February 2014
Lupita Nyong'o on True Beauty and Her Full Acceptance Speech For Essence Magazine Honor
Lupita Nyong'o was honored yesterday at
the Essence Magazine's 7th Annual Black
Women in Hollywood Luncheon. The
actress who is nomimated for an Oscar for best
supporting actress for her role as a black slave,
Patsey, in the movie 12 Years a Slave gave the
speech below about her road to being who she is
today. It is a very encouraging and empowering
speech on what counts as true beauty - inner
beauty and accepting and loving yourself as you
are. See the speech below...
I wrote down this speech that I had no time to
practice so this will be the practicing session.
Thank you Alfre, for such an amazing, amazing
introduction and celebration of my work. And
thank you very much for inviting me to be a
part of such an extraordinary community.
I am surrounded by people who have inspired
me, women in particular whose presence on
screen made me feel a little more seen and
heard and understood. That it is ESSENCE that
holds this event celebrating our professional
gains of the year is significant, a beauty
magazine that recognizes the beauty that we
not just possess but also produce.
I want to take this opportunity to talk about
beauty, Black beauty, dark beauty. I received a
letter from a girl and I’d like to share just a
small part of it with you: “Dear Lupita,” it
reads, “I think you’re really lucky to be this
Black but yet this successful in Hollywood
overnight. I was just about to buy Dencia’s
Whitenicious cream to lighten my skin when
you appeared on the world map and saved
me.”
My heart bled a little when I read those words,
I could never have guessed that my first job
out of school would be so powerful in and of
itself and that it would propel me to be such an
image of hope in the same way that the women
of The Color Purple were to me.
I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful.
I put on the TV and only saw pale skin, I got
teased and taunted about my night-shaded
skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle
worker, was that I would wake up lighter-
skinned. The morning would come and I would
be so excited about seeing my new skin that I
would refuse to look down at myself until I was
in front of a mirror because I wanted to see my
fair face first. And every day I experienced the
same disappointment of being just as dark as I
was the day before. I tried to negotiate with
God, I told him I would stop stealing sugar
cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted, I
would listen to my mother’s every word and
never lose my school sweater again if he just
made me a little lighter. But I guess God was
unimpressed with my bargaining chips because
He never listened.
And when I was a teenager my self-hate grew
worse, as you can imagine happens with
adolescence. My mother reminded me often
that she thought that I was beautiful but that
was no conservation, she’s my mother, of
course she’s supposed to think I am beautiful.
And then…Alek Wek. A celebrated model, she
was dark as night, she was on all of the
runways and in every magazine and everyone
was talking about how beautiful she was. Even
Oprah called her beautiful and that made it a
fact. I couldn’t believe that people were
embracing a woman who looked so much like
me, as beautiful. My complexion had always
been an obstacle to overcome and all of a
sudden Oprah was telling me it wasn’t. It was
perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I
had begun to enjoy the seduction of
inadequacy. But a flower couldn’t help but
bloom inside of me, when I saw Alek I
inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I
could not deny.
Now, I had a spring in my step because I felt
more seen, more appreciated by the far away
gatekeepers of beauty. But around me the
preference for my skin prevailed, to the
courters that I thought mattered I was still
unbeautiful. And my mother again would say
to me you can’t eat beauty, it doesn’t feed you
and these words plagued and bothered me; I
didn’t really understand them until finally I
realized that beauty was not a thing that I
could acquire or consume, it was something
that I just had to be.
And what my mother meant when she said you
can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how
you look to sustain you. What is fundamentally
beautiful is compassion for yourself and for
those around you. That kind of beauty
enflames the heart and enchants the soul. It is
what got Patsey in so much trouble with her
master, but it is also what has kept her story
alive to this day. We remember the beauty of
her spirit even after the beauty of her body has
faded away.
And so I hope that my presence on your
screens and in the magazines may lead you,
young girl, on a similar journey. That you will
feel the validation of your external beauty but
also get to the deeper business of being
beautiful inside.
There is no shame in Black beauty.
Thursday, 27 February 2014
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